After Thursday’s devastating Supreme Court ruling upholding ObamaCare, Republicans were forced to retreat and focus on a new election strategy for November 2012. “I guess we’ll have to think of a new plan” said a Republican, “even though most Americans don’t like ObamaCare now, we think that the news media like CNN will ignore the huge problems and keep repeating the Obama administration’s talking points right up to the election.”
Although polls indicate that 56% of Americans support the repeal of ObamaCare, an incredible number for a federal law, certain provisions remain popular, such as allowing 26-year-old children to stay on their parent’s health insurance, no lifetime caps on benefits, free preventative care and no denial of coverage based on pre-existing conditions.
Realizing that many people don’t care how ObamaCare will devastate the economy, cause people to be dropped from their company’s insurance and halt most medical research and progress, Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, has proposed a new revamped plan called RomneyCaresMore.
“In this plan”, said a Romney’s spokesperson, “instead of stopping at 26 like Obama, we will allow 76-year-old children to say on their parent’s health insurance! Not only will we also force insurance companies to accept anybody with any medical condition with no lifetime limit on benefits, we’ll also force insurance companies to offer free health spa treatments such as the Argan Oil Massage and Tepezcohuite Body Drench to patients. After all, we believe it is a basic fundamental human right to look your best and have properly moisturized skin if you’re spending any time in a hospital!”
Critics have pointed out that forcing insurance companies to cover too many things will cause health care costs and therefore health insurance premiums to skyrocket. Since ObamaCare already limits how much insurance companies can charge, experts believe most will be forced to declare bankruptcy.
Romney waved off the criticism and said he learned how to solve these issues from watching Obama. “We’ll just say that anyone who points out these obvious facts are simply racists and watches too much Fox News.
We realize that once everyone is dumped by their employer and forced onto Medicaid by ObamaCare, Democrats will have complete control over people’s lives and lifestyles and no one will be able to vote them out of office unless they want to be denied care by one of Obama’s death panels. So we’ll just have to beat them to the punch with RomneyCaresMore. Only by pandering more free stuff to the American people than Obama can I possibly win presidency.”
When asked if he really thinks that the American people are stupid enough to fall for RomneyCaresMore benefits and ignore the horrible long term consequences to the nation, Mitt Romney simply shrugged and replied “It worked for Obama didn’t it?”